When I write a blog post, I chisel and re-chisel words until I see reflected in them some soul.
At times, I write with a person or persons in mind – wondering how my writing would be received by them.
And, after I publish blog posts, there is an internal din and clamour for approval that drowns out every other concerns in my mind. In the case of my last post ‘NLP and the Words that Make a Path on Which I Walk’, the noise was louder than usual.
Even as I was writing the post, I knew I was going to share it with my new-found friends I met in Cherai. I was hoping they would be spellbound discovering another unknown aspect of me. I remember the yearning to impress them, as I was composing the post.
If I am not careful, the need for approbations could corrupt the spirit of soulful growing behind my words in this blog.
When public applause becomes the reason for my words, there is certainly a danger of letting knowledge masquerade as learning.
And, on such occasions, my attempt is to impress rather than to express.
When validation from others becomes the compelling reason for what I write, even honesty can become an act of deception. Readers can be waylaid by a sweet assault on their senses, in the guise of honesty.
My last article got me a lot of applause in the comments section of the blog, on facebook and also through mails.
The lust for them also threatened to throw me off balance – engendering the feeling that I need others’ validation and approval to thrive.
Of course, it also felt very good. And I yearned for more. The applause seemed like caresses that stoked my esteem.
Am I being too harsh on myself, I wonder! There is a tendency to go overboard with too much of self-criticism.
It is okay to feel soothed by words that caress my being even as I am mindful of walking on the brink of nothingness, inebriated by words’ allurement.
Is it also not true that this blog is the anvil where I create new realities and give wings to new dreams? And the fashioning of the dreams into life forms? Some celebration is in order.
Through this Blog, I achieved almost the impossible – to come out of the cocoon I lived in and share it courageously and honestly with who ever choose to watch my progress in life. This act of being myself with the world outside has been a landmark decision in my life and I cherish the post, “Go Tell it on the Mountain’, telling it as it happened. To live comfortably under my skin unmindful of what others in my life would think or say is freedom for me.
The important thing is to be aware of what is happening within me and to know the difference between what is fake and genuine. In loving acceptance, without condemnation of the one and zealous approval of the other.
Barely two hours after I published my previous post last Monday, I received Neale Donald Walsch’s message for the day. It said:
On this day of your life,
Babu, I believe God wants you to know…
…that if you’re doing something for someone else’s
approval, you may as well not do it at all.
There is only one reason to do anything: to announce
and declare, express and fulfill, become and
experience Who You Really Are.
Do what you do, therefore, for the sheer joy of it,
for sheer joy is who you are. Do what you choose,
not what someone else chooses for you.
When I feel lucky, some intimations come blowing in the wind.
They are universe’s way of nudging me into higher outcomes and actions.
The universe is on my side.
The title of this piece was initially, “Soulful Growing or Approval Seeking?” I thought about it and changed it to its present title. This is more in sync with the spirit of this post.
Things are perfect as they are.