Filling in the Spaces of a Vacant Interregnum

It has been a very, very long time. My previous post – In the Caress of Love after Love – was more than 9 months ago.

Let the poem in that post serve as my prop to resume from where I had left several months ago.

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat. 

Often I felt parched and longed to visit my blog and feast. To reclaim my heart. So, I am happy I have at last arrived at my own door – to find myself in my mirror.

But it is tough going. Words don’t come too easily. The inertia of all these past months has broken the flow of thoughts.

No, I never considered even once to put an end to writing in this blog. I know my words here have had a profound influence on me. Then why this very long interval?

I can lay the blame on new family responsibilities, business pressures, moods, lack of time………….. All of these are valid reasons. I can convince myself with the many reasons I have, but the fact remains that I failed to connect as I used to, with my heart and soul in the interregnum.

To be honest, I have no one to blame but myself for deserting a dear love of mine.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you 

It feels good to be back in the early days of the new year 2017, trying to reconnect with the train of thoughts that I had left mid-air, suspended. It feels like remembering the intimacy that existed once – before the cobwebs of time laid siege and made me as a stranger to myself.

So, here I am – reclaiming my heart. I am trying to coax words from the depths and use them in a way that reminds me of myself.

Unfortunately, no amount of coaxing or doing is likely to assist me to reclaim the flow that I left untended for a very long time. What will do the trick is for me to connect with my soul – that part of me that is timeless and cannot be eroded by the vagaries of time. Once I reconnect with my true self, I find my reasons and the strength.

Finding my true self means living in a state of awareness where reasons, actions and results merge effortlessly.

It is easy to get caught up in one activity after another thinking that is the right thing to do for moving ahead in life. My mind finds so many intelligent ways of staying busy.

I saw this quote by G.K.Chesterton two days back – “I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.”

Despite knowing this, I marvel at my ability – exhibited by me during the past several months – to stay disconnected from the essence of everything.

Being responsible means taking charge of myself. To lead people at office or elsewhere with responsibility and authenticity is impossible if I do not exhibit leadership of my own life.

When I do not exert leadership over myself, my life runs on some auto-pilot mode, allowing the flow of events to dictate my life. I take things for granted forgetting that every moment and situation requires a special, unique response steeped in awareness.

There comes a time to pause, breathe in deeply, take in the fragrance of the moment and let my spirit soar. In that moment I recognize myself in the mirror and smile for having found a treasure I thought I had lost.


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