Easter, March 31, 2013

April 3, 2013 · 0 comments

in Inner Talk

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Easter used to be an occasion to celebrate when I was a lot younger. Home in Kilianthara was the place I always headed to well before Easter, at least on time to be there for Maundy Thursday celebrations. The special milk prepared with coconut and a lot of other ingredients along with the cutting of the special appam by my father commemorating the breaking and sharing of bread by Jesus is a memory that lingers on my tongue and my consciousness.

Fasting for 40 days used to be de rigueur those days. My people at home still fast strictly. I did not fast, though I cut down on chicken substantially. This Easter I celebrated alone. I kept myself busy, visited Sujith with some food and also shared fruit trifle with Sumathi’s sisters. I also spoke to all my close family members.

Though I have drawn away from the religious practices of Easter, it felt good to wish every one Happy Easter and to be wished in return. I missed Easter wishes from my closest friend, though. My identity as a Christian is there to stay even though its dogmas and rituals do not bind me. And I am filled with awe thinking about Jesus Christ. He was someone who lived and died with beliefs and passion, very courageously, embodying love in its most purifying aspects.

The dominant thought on Easter was that I should rise from the mundane to achieve the goals I have for my self. The close of the financial year too fell on Easter day and the significance was not lost on me – to rise from the ashes like a phoenix, making a new beginning from the new financial year. I know, I know, I have spoken about this so often and I failed so many times in living up to the promises I made to myself. Yet, I need to make new promises and resolutions because that is what I am impelled to do now and was brimming with on Easter Day.

It is time to think about QUITTING before doing anything else. There are so many things to quit. It is high time I shrugged the Atlas off my shoulder and not bother about what would happen to it. I am tired of carrying weights mindlessly, like a dumb donkey.

I have to quit publishing CTW. I have been idiotic bartering away half my waking hours for the sake of a few thousand people who are its thankless fans. May 3rd issue this year will be the day I quit CTW for good, not to touch it ever again.

I want to quit wasting time. Today observed what I did from the beginning of the day. Of course I accomplished a few tasks, but I noticed myself thinking vacantly about problems and being consumed by them for several minutes. And this happened at regular intervals. All those several minutes add up to make a few hours every day and I shudder to think about the irreplaceable loss.

I want to quit for good the cheap value I place on time. I reach office late and I am even lax about keeping my appointments at times. From now I will reach the office at least by 9 am and keep busy till I have accomplished all the tasks I have set my mind and heart on.

I will quit doing my personal things during office hours – even if it is for someone very precious.

I will quit thinking that as the owner of the business I have the license to do as I please at the office.

Then I have to stop thinking that quitting can happen only on an auspicious day like the beginning of a new month or of a new financial year.

There is also a silent, but pernicious half-baked belief within me that I cannot have abundance of wealth. This belief too, I have to quit. I should quit spending money for unnecessary things and count everything I have with devotion.

When will I quit pampering my main weakness at work – anything pertaining to accounts? I have lost most of everything because I chose not to strengthen this area of business.

Quitting all these is like shedding layers upon layers of old, dead habits that serve me ill. I have to quit them right away so that I do less. To do more of the important things.

In my personal life space, it is high time I quit drinking alone even if rarely, to be in a conscious, aware state. So should be the case about quitting smoking for good.

There are so many cherished goals that I have set for myself. Without quitting the heavy baggages I have been needlessly carrying I cannot entertain any hope of  chasing my dreams.

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